Why This Matters to You, the Seasoned Player
Let’s be honest, if you’re reading this, you know the score. You’ve seen the highs, the lows, and the rollercoaster that is gambling. You understand the thrill, the strategy, and the inherent risks involved. But what happens when someone close to you – a friend, a family member, a whānau member – starts to struggle? It’s a different game altogether. This isn’t about odds or bankroll management; it’s about navigating a complex situation with empathy, understanding, and a clear head. As experienced players, we’re often the first to spot the warning signs, the subtle shifts in behaviour that indicate a problem. This article isn’t about judging; it’s about equipping you with the knowledge and tools to help someone you care about. We will explore how to best support a friend or family member with a gambling problem in New Zealand, a country where easy game access is readily available.
Recognising the Red Flags: Spotting the Problem
Before you can help, you need to know what to look for. Problem gambling isn’t always obvious. It can manifest in various ways, and it’s often hidden. Here are some key indicators to watch out for in your friend or family member:
- Increased Time and Money Spent: This is a classic sign. Are they spending more time gambling than they used to? Are they constantly chasing losses, trying to win back what they’ve lost? Are they borrowing money to gamble?
- Changes in Behaviour: Look for irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from social activities. Gambling can become all-consuming, leading to isolation and a neglect of responsibilities.
- Lying and Deception: Are they secretive about their gambling? Are they hiding losses or the extent of their gambling activities from you or others?
- Financial Difficulties: Mounting debt, unpaid bills, and a constant need for money are clear warning signs. They may be selling possessions or taking out loans to fund their gambling.
- Neglecting Responsibilities: Are they missing work, school, or family commitments because of gambling?
- Preoccupation with Gambling: Do they constantly talk about gambling, plan their next bet, or relive past wins and losses?
- Withdrawal Symptoms: When they try to stop gambling, do they experience restlessness, irritability, or anxiety?
It’s important to remember that these signs don’t automatically mean someone has a problem. However, if you see several of them, it’s time to have a conversation.
The Conversation: Approaching the Subject with Care
This is arguably the most challenging part. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time when you can both talk privately and without distractions. Avoid doing it when they’re actively gambling or in the heat of a loss.
- Be Calm and Non-Judgemental: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Avoid accusations or lectures. Let them know you’re concerned and that you care about them.
- Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You’re gambling too much,” try, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m concerned about your gambling.”
- Focus on Behaviour, Not Character: Don’t attack their character. Focus on the specific behaviours you’ve observed.
- Listen Actively: Let them talk. Don’t interrupt or dismiss their feelings. Try to understand their perspective.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings: Gambling problems often stem from underlying issues like stress, anxiety, or depression. Acknowledge these feelings.
- Offer Support, Not Solutions: You can’t fix their problem for them. Offer your support and let them know you’re there for them.
Providing Practical Support: What You Can Do
Once you’ve had the conversation, here’s how you can offer practical support:
- Encourage Professional Help: This is the most important step. Encourage them to seek help from a qualified professional, such as a therapist or counsellor specializing in gambling addiction. In New Zealand, there are excellent resources available.
- Help Them Find Resources: Research and provide information about support services, such as the Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand or the Gambling Helpline.
- Offer to Attend Appointments: If they’re comfortable, offer to go with them to their first few appointments. This can provide support and encouragement.
- Help Manage Finances (If Appropriate): This is a tricky area, but if they’re willing, you might help them with budgeting or managing their finances. This could involve taking control of their finances temporarily or helping them set up a payment plan. Be cautious about this, and only do it if you trust them implicitly and they are actively working on their problem.
- Set Boundaries: It’s crucial to set healthy boundaries. Don’t lend them money. Don’t cover their debts. Don’t enable their gambling. This might be difficult, but it’s essential for their recovery.
- Focus on Their Strengths: Remind them of their positive qualities and strengths. Help them rebuild their self-esteem.
- Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Make sure you take care of your own mental and emotional health. Seek support for yourself if needed.
Where to Find Help in Aotearoa
New Zealand offers a range of services to support those struggling with gambling problems and their whānau. Here are some key resources:
- The Gambling Helpline: 0800 654 655. This is a free, confidential helpline available 24/7.
- The Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand: Provides counselling, education, and support services.
- Te Hiringa Hauora: A government agency that promotes public health and wellbeing, including resources on gambling harm.
- Your GP: Your general practitioner can provide support and referrals to mental health professionals.
The Long Game: Patience and Perseverance
Recovery from problem gambling is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and commitment. There will be setbacks along the way. Be patient, understanding, and persistent. Celebrate small victories. Remember that you can’t force someone to change, but you can offer your unwavering support. Your role is to be a supportive mate, a listening ear, and a source of encouragement. By being there for them, you can help them navigate the rough waters and find their way back to a healthier, happier life.
Conclusion: Your Role in the Recovery
As experienced gamblers, we understand the allure and the risks. We’ve seen the impact of gambling firsthand. Supporting a friend or family member with a gambling problem in New Zealand requires empathy, understanding, and a proactive approach. Recognize the warning signs, have a caring conversation, offer practical support, and encourage professional help. Remember to set healthy boundaries and take care of your own well-being. By taking these steps, you can make a real difference in their life and help them reclaim control. This isn’t just about winning or losing; it’s about standing by a mate and helping them get back on their feet.
